Round and round it goes again, these thoughts twirling in my head.
Do I write, do I call, should I send a gift, or unannounced, just drop in?
Should I set my hopes aside and think of others at this time…even if it means forever?
This may be the life I must now live, in this lifetime at least, just to miss them.
I am consumed by my thoughts of them,
seeing photos or family gatherings with them, unattended.
It is not fair, that this one, for so long, must be missing.
My loved one is not dead and not sick, or in some remote place or in prison.
For this I can be thankful.
I pray God’s protection and goodness to come to them.
Consequences come with choices we make. What did I do to cause this chasm? I asked. Silence was given.
How can some be so cruel to walk away, not giving me any understanding or reason?
I don’t know for sure what I did.
There is no discussion and my apologies, just in case there was something I overlooked, get me nowhere?
I am clueless where my fault begins and theirs ends.
I said what I said and did what I did but crushed too many eggshells…. perhaps.
I must have been offensive and blunt or antagonistic…not sure.
Gentleness is a quality, God is still helping me with.
I have changed, with so many years now gone. I have had much time to ponder.
I must not blame anyone, but forgive and love and pray for those who hurt me.
That’s hard. Acceptance is needed, of things as they are.
And accept my own part in this…but what is my part? I want to know.
And accept that God still loves me, just as I am. He has the resolution.
It is all in HIS hands, I laid this down at the tree, and know I am forgiven.
Yet some days I must, lay it down once again,
where all sorrows and sadness belong.
I know that someday, this trial will be over. God’s timing is always the best.
It helps to remember, and to never forget, especially during times like these.
Through thick and thin, pain and sorrow…HE is all I need….HE IS all I need.
Blessed Jesus….blessed Jesus….
HE IS ALL I NEED.
“…for His anger is but for a moment, His favor is for a lifetime; weeping may last for the night, but a shout of joy comes in the morning.” (Psalm 30:5)